I’m like most people. I love losing weight. The high I feel when I get on that scale and see the number go down has always been something I’ve always craved and enjoyed! The real down side is that the feeling is just as intense, in a bad way, when you see the number go up. I’ve always wondered how mentally difficult it would be to maintain weight and I’m finding that so far, I’m not very good at it!
I’m not very good at it because my weight has very dramatic swings on the scale. As you may recall, I wrote a post not that long ago about gaining 13 lbs in a single week! Of course, that weight came off quickly… but with me, it seems as though just as soon as I get the weight off, I’m gaining back up and sometimes slightly over my “comfortable weight limit” and it really takes no effort at all to make that happen. I’m not sure what it is about my body that makes it so easy for me to gain and then to lose it quickly… but it’s been mentally tough to work with, that’s for sure! The good news is that I’ve come to understand that this is how it’s going to be and so controlling it has been something I’ve been improving!
So anyway, I don’t really get the high too much anymore, because it’s rare that I see a “new all-time low” on the scale. That number was 193.8 and this morning I was 195.4 – down from the 202.2 I was on Saturday (I know, right? I lose it just as quickly as I gain it sometimes). I’m not actively trying to lose weight due to all the things going on in my life, though I wouldn’t complain if the weight loss continued to happen. So, since I’m in this “temporary, but possibly permanent, who really freaking knows” maintenance phase… I’ve been trying to focus on the NSVs and little things to try and get myself in a mentally positive place!
This morning, I realized I didn’t have to teach any classes or have meetings at work so I could wear jeans – woohoo! I only own two pairs at the moment (any weight loss surgery patient knows that buying too many items of clothing for the first couple of years could be a waste of money!) and so I grabbed a pair and put them right on and I had an epiphany.
When was there ANY time in my life, where I didn’t dread or avoid washing/drying jeans for fear that they wouldn’t fit the next time I went to put them on? The answer is that there hasn’t been. Even when I was this weight in high school, I was always losing/gaining and never maintaining and so this lack of worry about my jeans fitting is completely new to me. I took a moment to stop and appreciate this very little victory!
The me in the pictures below on the left was always worried about things like this – fitting in chairs, restaurant booths, airplanes, seatbelts, breaking things, fitting into clothing, having to order clothes online, and washing/drying jeans (just to name a few). It’s so freely to not feel that way anymore!!