Can 29 Beat 28? One Year Until 30!!

Woohooo – today is my birthday! I’m a person that really likes birthdays…. as my Dad would always make a big deal about it when I was a kid. It was my “special day” – where we got to do what I wanted, when I wanted, eat whatever I wanted for dinner, and usually the gift was pretty nice too! Honestly, in our household, birthdays were always a much bigger deal and have many more happy memories than Christmas. It felt like the one day of the year that I got whatever I wanted and didn’t have to feel guilty about it!

I will admit, since moving away from home, birthdays haven’t felt nearly as special. Add in the fact that my husband’s family never really got too excited about birthdays (they are big into Christmas though) and he doesn’t really make it special in anyway… they have almost lost their appeal. Last year I had a root canal on my birthday for crying out loud! It’s wasn’t a good time, that’s for sure.

Last year, I declared that 28 was going to be “my year” and boy was it! I took a look back at my food tracking app and noticed that at my birthday last year, I was 307.4 lbs… already down about 137 lbs from the 7 months prior. I was on top of the world at that point and couldn’t imagine things getting so much better…. but here I am, living and loving life… weighing in at 194.6 this morning and celebrating getting another year older.

I decide to do something that I never do today and that was take a selfie and post it on Facebook. I’m not entirely open about my surgery with people in my real life, so drawing the extra attention to myself by posting selfies was never really my thing. But, I decided I was going to embrace the attention and compliments on my “special day” and just go for it! Plus, maybe if people on Facebook see pictures of me online, then they won’t be so shocked to see me in person and they’ll calm down a little about how I look haha!

Posting the picture though made me realize that I have a longgggg way to go in the mental aspect of this whole thing. I look at the picture below and although I think I look nice it… I’ve noticed myself focusing in heavily on my mid-section! I can’t stop looking at the bulge in my dress and feeling so frustrated that it’s there. I mean, I know I need to get a grip…. but it’s bothering me that I’m focusing so heavily on it. Maybe most people can’t even see it LOL – why do I do this to myself?

I am having plastics at the end of September, but my body will never be perfect… so I really need to figure out how to get a better attitude about the way I look. It’s something to work on at the next therapy appointment, that’s for sure! I know I’m being ridiculous… but it’s not like feeling are always rational, right?

So anyway… I’m 29 today and looking forward to the upcoming year. I hope it’s even better than the last. The name of this blog is Flirty by Thirty because I had a desire to get back to feeling good, looking good, and being healthy by the time I hit 30 years old. I have one year left, and I think I can make it happen šŸ˜‰

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Trying to appreciate the little things when weight loss has stopped! (w/ pics)

I’m like most people. I love losing weight. The high I feel when I get on that scale and see the number go down has always been something I’ve always craved and enjoyed! The real down side is that the feeling is just as intense, in a bad way, when you see the number go up. I’ve always wondered how mentally difficult it would be to maintain weight and I’m finding that so far, I’m not very good at it!

I’m not very good at it because my weight has very dramatic swings on the scale. As you may recall, I wrote a post not that long ago about gaining 13 lbs in a single week! Of course, that weight came off quickly… but with me, it seems as though just as soon as I get the weight off, I’m gaining back up and sometimes slightly over my “comfortable weight limit” and it really takes no effort at all to make that happen. I’m not sure what it is about my body that makes it so easy for me to gain and then to lose it quickly… but it’s been mentally tough to work with, that’s for sure! The good news is that I’ve come to understand that this is how it’s going to be and so controlling it has been something I’ve been improving!

So anyway, I don’t really get the high too much anymore, because it’s rare that I see a “new all-time low” on the scale. That number was 193.8 and this morning I was 195.4 – down from the 202.2 I was on Saturday (I know, right? I lose it just as quickly as I gain it sometimes). I’m not actively trying to lose weight due to all the things going on in my life, though I wouldn’t complain if the weight loss continued to happen. So, since I’m in this “temporary, but possibly permanent, who really freaking knows” maintenance phase… I’ve been trying to focus on the NSVs and little things to try and get myself in a mentally positive place!

This morning, I realized I didn’t have to teach any classes or have meetings at work so I could wear jeans – woohoo! I only own two pairs at the moment (any weight loss surgery patient knows that buying too many items of clothing for the first couple of years could be a waste of money!) and so I grabbed a pair and put them right on and I had an epiphany.

When was there ANY time in my life, where I didn’t dread or avoid washing/drying jeans for fear that they wouldn’t fit the next time I went to put them on? The answer is that there hasn’t been. Even when I was this weight in high school, I was always losing/gaining and never maintaining and so this lack of worry about my jeans fitting is completely new to me. I took a moment to stop and appreciate this very little victory!

The me in the pictures below on the left was always worried about things like this – fitting inĀ chairs, restaurant booths, airplanes, seatbelts, breaking things, fitting into clothing, having to order clothes online, and washing/drying jeans (just to name a few). It’s so freely to not feel that way anymore!!

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Plastic Surgery Scheduled!!

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted an update. I haven’t spent much time online in blogs, Facebook groups, or OH in awhile because live has just been so busy, I can’t seem to keep up with everything. I always have exciting things I want to share and I want to be able to get back to people that write to me, but I’ve been lousy at keeping in touch! :/

Some exciting news that I did want to share is that I have scheduled plastic surgery – woohoo! I had a second plastics consult on June 6th with a doctor in the hospital system where I had my surgery. He was a nice guy that seemed to have decent skills, but I decided to schedule surgery with Dr. Capella in New Jersey for a few reasons. First, he was amazing and the work he does looks like it’s top notch. His price was reasonable and I trust him.

The doctor I met with a week or so ago said that he could do two procedures at a time – since my priorities are my arms and lower body, he said he could do a lower body lift and arm lift together. I was a little disappointed with this, since Dr. Capella had said that he could do a lower body lift, breast lift, and arm lift all at once. This leaves me potentially with no other surgeries needed (well…. not “needed” but you know what I mean). If I don’t think I want implants or an inner thigh lift afterwards, then I won’tĀ be doing anything else… because at least the breasts will be lifted! The last thing I want is a somewhat normal looking body because my arms/lower body looks good and then saggy boobs! Another selling point? The doctor from last week said doing just those two procedures would leave me in the OR for 11 hours – what!? 11 hours! lol…. I am much more comfortable with the fact that Dr. Capella can do those 3 procedures in 6 hours…. I think his OR time speaks to his skills… but of course, I could be wrong!

One thing I was surprised by with my consult last week were the example pictures the surgeon showed me. To be honest, it looks like he does decent work but I found it a little hard to tell since ALL of the patients he seems to operate on are still very heavy. I know that I’m not in a “normal” BMI and that I still have some extra weight on me too…. but his patients started out in the “before” pictures very heavy and so in the after pictures… they of course looked better… but still very heavy, and it was hard to tell if that was the reason they didn’t look as I thought they would or if was the surgeon’s skill? I don’t know…. I’m not really sure!

Either way, I’m happy with my choice and excited that I’ve put down a deposit and have a scheduled date of Thursday, September 25th. I’ve requested the time off of work and everything is falling into place! My 29th birthday is coming up soon…. so that leaves one more year until I’m “flirty by thirty” lol (that’s so corny) and I think it’s not going to be a problem at all :o)