Today I find myself feeling incredibly anxious. Tomorrow morning, I’m leaving for Jacksonville, FL to attend my cousin’s wedding. I’m flying out at 5:45 a.m. – yikes!
I find myself dealing with some completely irrational feelings today. I am not an experienced flyer – the first time I flew was 2 1/2 years ago at my heaviest weight, 444 lbs. Of course, I had to use a seatbelt extender and buy a second plane ticket. So, today I find myself having these weird fears/worries that I’m 1) Going to need a seatbelt extender and 2) Going to crowd the person next to me.
In reality, I know this is silly. I might not be a stick figure… but I wear a size 12 pants and I think I look like any other normal person. Yet, I’m still sitting here worrying a little bit about these things. I’m wondering if it’s just one of those situations where I won’t believe I can fit into the plane seat until I actually see it happen and experience it firsthand?
It’s interesting how our brains still immediately worry about these things, even though I’m not that severely, morbidly obese person anymore. It’s the same kind of feeling I have when I pick up an article of my clothing and wonder how in the hell I actually fit into it!
Things were really put into perspective on Monday when I had a follow-up appointment with the PA at my weight management clinic’s office. They took my waist measurement, which is something I remember them doing during my first consult on November 20th, 2012. I never asked what my starting measurement was at that time and so I did on Monday.
62 inches….. that’s right…. 62 inches…. my waist was 62 inches! What was it on Monday?
36 inches…. that’s right…. 36 inches…. LOL
I guess I’m also a little anxious about seeing a lot of my family members again. I haven’t seen most of these family members since my wedding, where I was ALSO at my heaviest of 440+ lbs. They are in for quite a shock! Then again, this is the side of the family that didn’t notice my weight loss last June, when I was down 130 lbs… so who knows.. maybe they STILL won’t notice!! (and yes, I am sure they just didn’t notice and it wasn’t a situation where they noticed and didn’t want to say anything – trust me)