So, as anyone that has read my posts in the past two months, you know that I’ve been having a rough time. The weight loss has slowed down, hunger has come back, and I’ve been feeling some “diet fatigue” as well. A little over a week ago, I wrote a 9 month update and so many of you were so kind to offer words of encouragement and support! THANK YOU!
I often post updates in a few places. I always write on my blog, ObesityHelp.com forums, and the Sassy Sleevers Facebook group as well. When reading some of the responses to my last post, a few people made similar comments that sort of provided a mental slap for me. The comments were along the lines of “I would be so happy if I was where you are at – I hope I can get there” as well as “I wouldn’t care if I weighed 202 if I was able to run for 28 minutes and looked like you.” There was a pre-op patient at my local support group meeting that is starting around my starting weight of 444 lbs. She was telling me the same thing, “I just want to get to where you are” and she almost had tears in her eyes when she was saying it. It really was the “mental slap” I needed as I was so blown away by all of these comments. They were so kind and helpful to me… and they really got me thinking, “WTF! 18 months ago if I had seen the “me” of now on the street or at a gym running on the treadmill I would’ve killed to look like that and be healthy.”
So, the mental slap got me thinking – why am I giving myself such a hard time!? I have come so far and the old me would’ve killed to be where I am at now. I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight for crying out loud!! Why am I torturing myself with feeling like I’m not doing well enough? Like I said, I never could have DREAMED in a million years that I would be where I am right now. It’s surreal actually… so why am I obsessing over the scale and SO worried about not being “hardcore” anymore?
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to continue to try to be strict with my diet to continue losing until I get to my goal – which at this point stands at around 174. If it doesn’t happen on a particular day or a single meal, I’m going to dust myself off and just keep on trying and that’s really the most I can ask for… I will not give up and I’m going to work REALLY hard to stop obsessing over the scale. In fact, I took the batteries out of the scale on Wednesday evening and gave them to my husband. Tomorrow evening (Sunday) he’s going to give them back to me so that I can weigh on Monday morning. Staying off the scale has been freeing – so I’m hoping to give the batteries right back to him Monday morning. I also gathered up all the Quest Bars in the house and made him take them to work to keep in his office. Until I get a grip on myself, there is no need for them in the house!!
Here is a pic of me in a dress that I hope to wear to a wedding in 7 weeks. It “fits” right now (meaning I can get it on) – but I’m hoping to drop some more weight before then so that it looks better on me! If you haven’t seen a “before” picture of me… I suggest taking a look and then maybe you can understand the big dorky smile I have on my face LOL!