9 Months Post-Op: Feeling Discouraged and Defeated

Today marks 9 months since surgery and while I’m still incredibly grateful for this second chance at life and for all the ways my life has changed in the past 15 months (start of supervised diet), I am feeling a little bit discouraged and defeated today.

The weight loss has definitely slowed. This “month” I lost 4.4 lbs and I’m not happy about it. I’ve been eating more as I’ve been dealing with a lot more hunger – which I’ve talked about lately. I seem to be lacking the strength and hardcore mentality that I had for so long. I knew that the last 25-30 lbs would be the hardest – but I guess I wasn’t as mentally prepared as I thought!

The hardest part for me is that I’ve wanted to get into “onderland” so badly, yet I lose weight and then the scale jumps 1.5 lbs up overnight…. then I lose for a few days and then gain for two – even when I’m eating the same things. I know that if I want to get into onderland, I have the control – and I just need to tighten up. But, yet I can’t see to make myself get super strict again with my diet? It’s definitely a tough thing I have sort out. I have to ask myself, “How bad do I want this?!” but have been putting off the question…

I’ve also been having a rougher time when looking in the mirror and seeing the excess skin. For almost 3 months now I’ve been lifting weights and running. It’s torture to see glimpses of the body that I could have underneath the skin (that I’ve been working hard to improve) and know that without costly and painful surgery, I’m never going to see it fully. Again, another thing I thought I was prepared for, but I guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought!

Maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s just mental fatigue? I feel like a baseball player that has struck out dozens of times in a row – I’m in a slump! I guess the good news is that I”m one Week 8 of the Couch25K app – never in a million years did I think I could run for 28 minutes straight. When I started the app, I had SERIOUS doubts that I would ever finish it – and here I am closing in on that goal. It’s a good feeling and something I’m trying to hang on to lately.

Here are my before and “during” progress pics this month!

Z11_Front Z11_Left Z11_Right Z11_Back

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13 thoughts on “9 Months Post-Op: Feeling Discouraged and Defeated

  1. I just started reading recently, and I am very impressed with your photos. Go back and look at them! It’s amazing!

    I’m not trivializing feeling frustrated and in a slump. But when you are, looking at those photos and seeing how far you’ve come is really important.

  2. I have to tell you – you look fantastic! Honestly. It isn’t just the transformation, but looking at your “during” photos alone – you look really great. All that hard work you’re doing is really paying off.

    As well as all the questions you’ve outlined above… perhaps you can ask yourself another one? “Do I still want this, even if it takes longer than I first thought?” If you continue to lose 4.4lbs a month, you will still get to your goal weight. It IS worth waiting for. Perhaps finding a little patience will help you get through.

    So inspiring to hear how well you’re doing on the C25K! I’ve just finished my 3rd run of week 3 – and I’m super scared about next week’s run (which includes 5min jogging intervals ahhh!) But, I was scared of the 3min intervals I did this week. So I can do it. And you have proven that you can.

    You will get to your goal weight. Don’t sabotage yourself just because you aren’t going fast enough. Look at all the positive changes you’ve made. You are doing so wonderfully. Be proud. Keep going. One day, you WILL be in Onederland.

    • I do still want to lose the weight – and I have started to come to terms with the slow losing. I want to accept that it’s going to take me awhile to get the rest off – unless I go back to being hardcore. Either way, I’m just going to do my best. This stuff is for life anyway, so I might as well get used to it haha!

      How did you do with the end of “Week 3” or start of “Week 4?” I never thought I would get near the end of the app – it really does work! You’re doing a great job!! I never thought I would be finishing Week 8 – it’s amazing what we can accomplish when we really put in the hard work!

  3. Thank you so much for posting the link to your blog. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. You look how I currently dream of looking. When you say you are eating more now, do you know how much more? Calorie wise. Do you track your food/protein intake?

    • Thank you for the kind words. I’ve been up to about 1200-1300 calories on some days. Although, I will also admit there are days when I eat probably 1700, which would probably be a “maintenance” level – so I should not be surprised by the slow loss/no loss going on these days!

  4. amazing pictures Nikke. You really need to be featured in a magazine or something, seriously. Keep your chin up and keep pressing on. The scale is a bitch and always will be. Keep going. I’m about to start week #4 of C25K and I’m worried that I’ll never be able to finish this thing either. We shall see. I dont actually enjoy working out, maybe that’s the difference between me and “athletes.”

    • Congrats on C25K!!! I completely understand where you are coming from with thinking about not finishing it. I NEVER would have dreamed that I could make it past like week 2 or 3, really! I just kept it in mind that it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to complete a week – you just have to work up to it! I started the app about 3 months ago and I’m on “Week 8” so I definitely repeated a lot of days – especially early on!! I definitely don’t enjoy working out – I mean, I like how I feel when I leave… but I’d much rather being doing something like playing basketball or something as a “workout” than just lifting or running – it sucks!!

      Congrats on your success with the app – you can do it!!

  5. First off, you look amazing. I had my surgery on exactly the same date as you last year. I am from Winnipeg! Manitoba, Canada. I have hit some of the same kind of lull you have and am fixated on the goal. My weight loss has definitely slowed down. You mention 25-30 gr. of carbs. Here the dietician has us only worry about protein. I am taking in 1100-1200 calories per day and about 65-70 gr. of protein. I have lost 84 pounds and am about 27 away from their highest goal for me. I too have increased my exercise but am fixed on the weight and the loose tissue! Frustrated but then I have to look at where I was and where I am now.

    • I feel your pain, Claudia. I think it’s important for us to remember how far we’ve come. I keep trying to remind myself that this journey is for life and not a race. If I want to get the remaining weight off – I am the person in control of it. There is no time limit, if it comes off slowly, then so be it. It’s an easy thing to say, but not an easy thing to really BELIEVE! Hang in there, you’re doing great!

  6. You. Look. Amazing!!!

    Isn’t that an awesome feeling to hit that 28 minutes and still be running? I was the same way — I think when I saw week 5 and it was 20 minutes and I thought no way in hell. I wear a running bracelet that says Remember the Rain because one of my toughest memories was being in a total downpour and I could only walk to my car. That was such a low point. Hitting 20, then 28 minutes – that was pretty emotional.

    So a HUGE high 5 for all you have accomplished. Keep reminding yourself you have done awesome!

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