Today marks 9 months since surgery and while I’m still incredibly grateful for this second chance at life and for all the ways my life has changed in the past 15 months (start of supervised diet), I am feeling a little bit discouraged and defeated today.
The weight loss has definitely slowed. This “month” I lost 4.4 lbs and I’m not happy about it. I’ve been eating more as I’ve been dealing with a lot more hunger – which I’ve talked about lately. I seem to be lacking the strength and hardcore mentality that I had for so long. I knew that the last 25-30 lbs would be the hardest – but I guess I wasn’t as mentally prepared as I thought!
The hardest part for me is that I’ve wanted to get into “onderland” so badly, yet I lose weight and then the scale jumps 1.5 lbs up overnight…. then I lose for a few days and then gain for two – even when I’m eating the same things. I know that if I want to get into onderland, I have the control – and I just need to tighten up. But, yet I can’t see to make myself get super strict again with my diet? It’s definitely a tough thing I have sort out. I have to ask myself, “How bad do I want this?!” but have been putting off the question…
I’ve also been having a rougher time when looking in the mirror and seeing the excess skin. For almost 3 months now I’ve been lifting weights and running. It’s torture to see glimpses of the body that I could have underneath the skin (that I’ve been working hard to improve) and know that without costly and painful surgery, I’m never going to see it fully. Again, another thing I thought I was prepared for, but I guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought!
Maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s just mental fatigue? I feel like a baseball player that has struck out dozens of times in a row – I’m in a slump! I guess the good news is that I”m one Week 8 of the Couch25K app – never in a million years did I think I could run for 28 minutes straight. When I started the app, I had SERIOUS doubts that I would ever finish it – and here I am closing in on that goal. It’s a good feeling and something I’m trying to hang on to lately.
Here are my before and “during” progress pics this month!