Keeping my eye on the prize (albeit a different one)

It has been a little while since I’ve checked-in. Things are going ok… I’m still obsessing over the scale a bit too much and I feel like I’m fighting an epic battle for every little ounce that I’ve lost. BUT, I’m doing what I’m supposed to do and that’s what I’m trying to focus on for now. Onderland still seems so far away even though I weighed in at 203 this morning!

I don’t really understand why I can’t just be happy with where I am and trust I’ll get to my goal at some point. I mean, when you think about the fact that I couldn’t even stand for 5 minutes without intense pain 15 months ago (I used to sit down to wash dishes or cook on the stove) and now I’m in the middle of Week 7 of the Couch25k app, it really brings things into perspective. Sunday and today I ran for 25 freaking minutes straight on the treadmill and continued to walk for another 40 minutes. How can I be disappointed with that? The me from 15 months ago would slap the current me silly if she knew I was pissing and moaning about the number on the scale. That version of me never would have dreamed of running for 25 minutes, wearing a size 14 pants/large shirt, and feeling happy/confident in the way that I look and feel. I thought I was mentally prepared for the “slow down” of the weight loss in the last 20-30 lbs… but I guess I wasn’t!

The other day, I went to a work event in an auditorium that I’ve been in many, many times. For the first couple years of working at the University, I couldn’t fit into these chairs. Sitting through an entire day session/workshop/meeting was pure torture. Last July, I fit into these sits a bit better (after losing about 130 lbs) but it still wasn’t pretty. Well, on Monday, I comfortably sat in the seat, pulled out the attached desk and put it down in front of me. Not only that, but these auditorium seats have an outlet in the side of them to plug in your devices (near your hip/thigh area). I could have easily plugged in a device – I NEVER thought that could happen.

Auditorium containing the former seats from Hell!

I’ve decided to try and shift my mental focus to non-scale related goals. I’m beginning to think it’s the only way I’m going to keep my sanity. So here are a few I have been tossing around in my head:

  • Complete the Couch25K app by the end of February
  • I’ve made a date goal/commitment to run up “The Hill” that I mentioned on my blog during our University’s Spring Break (between March 9-15) At that point I’ll be 18 months away from starting this whole thing and just over 3 years out from the original Hill story. Don’t worry, when I do this… I’m going to get someone to videotape it so that I can share!!
  • Run my first (and maybe only, who knows!) 5k sometime in late March/early April

If I can just quit mentally obsessing over the scale, while continuing to follow my plan, and focus on these goals… I will be much better off. I guess part of me feels like if I am not mentally obsessing over the scale and exhausting a ridiculous amount of mental energy on weight loss (like I have been for 15 months), then that somehow means I’ve given up? I don’t know why I feel this way in the back of my head, but if I’m going to get real and be honest here, then I will admit that’s what it feels like to me. But, I know I really need to let it go! I mean…. I’ve come SO far – lost like 241 lbs!! The last 30 shouldn’t seem so impossible/far away, right??!

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4 thoughts on “Keeping my eye on the prize (albeit a different one)

  1. You can do it! If that means anything from a stranger, I know you can do it. So often we find ourselves obsessing over something and the second we stop obsessing over it and let go of the control factor, we gain what we wanted. I believe in you and I know that your family and friends do to. Stay blessed 🙂
    -Jessica

  2. We should totally do a virtual 5K together!

    also…I know what you mean about focusing on the scale. My therapist and I talked about this tonight, and she encouraged me to set goals unrelated to the scale, which I thought was probably a good idea. 🙂 Moving away from obsessing over the scale doesn’t mean you’ve given up–just means your focus is different than that little box of judgment. Remember, the weight loss phase is temporary; maintenance is permanent. You can do this…the last 30 will come off, maybe not in your time frame, but they will come off because you are so disciplined and dedicated. It will happen for you!

  3. 241! Amazing!! Totally understand about the auditorium seats as well. I couldn’t fit into my airplane seat, the chairs at Dodgers Stadium, or the TD Garden. My surgery is coming up in May. Can’t wait for this victories! You’re such an inspiration.

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