Thanks to everyone that offered kind words from my post yesterday! Boy what an evening it was! I thought I might give a little update and share a picture…
So, I put on my Christmas party dress and went to church with my husband and mother-in-law. I was feeling a little bit of anxiety about receiving attention – especially since the church is packed on Christmas Even with people that I don’t see often. So, my husband and I sat down and an older lady that I don’t know turned around and said hello to us, looked at me and said, “You! I’ve heard good things about you lately…. you look great!”
While this was a very nice compliment, I was kind of like, WTF? haha I didn’t know who this person was… so I’m thinking – who are you and who are you talking to lol? I just said thank you and something along the lines of “I pay people to say nice things about me” because that’s part of my humor that I use when I’m uncomfortable.
Then, my husband’s cousin that I’ve only met a couple of times sat next to us. My mother-in-law said, “You’ve met Randy’s wife Nikke before, haven’t you?” and she looked really confused and said… “Ohhh, no… I don’t think so…..” even though she definitely has… so that was a little strange! (I found out later that she asked her aunt who the woman with Randy was – apparently she missed the part where my MIL said – this is Nikke, Randy’s wife and was very confused because she didn’t recognize me)
When I went up to receive communion, I felt the entire room’s eyes on me and I know to some extent that was all in my head, but at the same time… I know that I was a bit “on display” in that moment. When church was finished, a good friend of the family came to give me a hug and tell me YOU. LOOK. FABULOUS!! and she hugged me hard and said she was so happy for me. It was nice… I was handling it well!
Then, my husband and I went back to my mother-in-law’s house for the party. Things went well! I ate before church so I planned ahead and I didn’t eat anything. Everyone noticed that I wasn’t eating, but didn’t say anything because they clearly know I’ve been trying to lose weight – so that was nice… nobody trying to be a food pusher or ask me why I wasn’t eating.
The best part of the evening was the kind of attention I received – which was none to my face haha. Two people said something to me very briefly during the party. I thought great – I’m not the center of attention or conversation. Well, I found out afterwards that I indeed was the topic of conversation, but everyone was having those conversations with my husband. He said no less than a dozen people came up to him to RAVE about how great I looked. This was perfect – the compliments without the attention that is so awkward! Many people said they didn’t know who I was and that whole thing is still a little crazy to me too. I try to remember though that all of the people that know me in my life since moving away from home don’t recognize a version of me at this size. People from MY family and hometown would recognize me, though with seeing me on Facebook would still know I gained a ton of weight and am now losing it – this version of me is not something that they haven’t seen in the past.
Overall – great night! I didn’t have too much social anxiety and I felt beautiful. For once, I didn’t feel as though I looked odd standing next to my husband. Here is a pic of the two of us together last night!