I haven’t checked in since my 7 months post-op post on the 13th – things have been busy! I’m happy to say that I have until January 6th off from work and I couldn’t be happier. I was SO ready for a break. Unfortunately, I have been a bit bored for the past couple of days and I’m finding the boredom is making the head hunger much more intense – ugh!
For the past day or so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the past (hey, like I said, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands) and my thoughts keep going back to something my husband said to me exactly one year ago today. Every year, his parents (now just my mother-in-law) throw a Christmas Eve party for friends and family after the Christmas Eve church service. Last year at this time, I had just started the six months supervised diet 5 weeks earlier and had also just started writing on my blog. In my second post ever, I talked about how I failed to plan ahead for the party and didn’t eat anything all night long. Let’s just say from that point forward I learned my lesson and adopted the saying, “Failure to plan is a plan for failure” or something along those lines! lol
So, back to what my husband said to me. After a long night at the party, we were on our way home and I was talking about how hungry I was because I hadn’t eaten anything. I mentioned that I was happy that I hadn’t eaten anything – like cookies, cakes, pies, etc. but that I also knew that eating nothing at all is not a good thing and my assumption that there would be fruits and veggies there to eat was definitely a wrong one! I was sticking SO closely to my supervised diet plan and SO motivated to lose weight, I refused to eat anything at the party. Like I mentioned before, I was about 5 weeks into my new healthy lifestyle at this point and down about 25 lbs already (from 444.2 lbs to 418.6ish lbs). During our discussion, my husband said something to me that gave me so much hope and so much to look forward to and I remember it so clearly:
“Just think about it… next year at this time, you might look like a completely different person!”
Of course, at the time these words seemed so impossible but they left an impression. Christmas Eve 2013 seemed like a lifetime away – hell, surgery seemed like a lifetime away! I will admit though that when he said this, I felt the pure desperation inside of me that his words would come true. The idea that in a year’s time I could be much healthier, look much better, and be in much less pain was all I could think about for the rest of the ride home. I’m not a formally religious person, but I’m pretty sure I probably prayed that night for the strength to make it through this whole process and have the attempts at weight loss be “different this time.”
I’m so happy to be reflecting on that moment and my husband’s statement today, one year later, and to know that he was right. I do look like a completely different person and I’m not talking just about the physical person that I am. While I do look completely different (and SO much better lol), I’m also different inside – more confident, happier, and not in the kind of pain I was a year ago.
For the first time since I’ve been with my husband, I’m going to this Christmas Eve party not afraid of breaking chairs (or the toilet seat at my in-laws house like I did two years ago LOL), not sitting in the exact same spot because it’s too hard to navigate my big body through the rooms filled with people, and I’m not going to be worried about people staring at me while I eat either. The only anxiety I have this year really is about all the attention I will receive because of my weight loss. It’s something I still am not used to and not entirely comfortable with – you know, all of the going on and on about it. Maybe I’ll get lucky and every person will say, “You look great!” and leave it at that?? Nah, probably not…but that’s ok I’m just going to enjoy the fact that this year will be so much better and that I’ll be rocking a size 16 dress that is a little too big for me instead of the size 30 dress pants that I wore last year! Maybe I’ll get someone to take a couple of pictures so that I can post them later!
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and all of the other holidays to all!!