Why does this comment irritate me!?

Last week, I was talking on the phone with my aunt (who really is only a few years older than me) about her recent trip to FL for my cousin’s bridal shower, dressing shopping, etc. While she was riding somewhere in a car with the bride to be, she was sitting in the back seat with my other Aunt (mother of the bride) and the maid of honor (my other cousin, bride’s sister).

In the car, they were talking about weight and how the bride is still trying to lose a few lbs and my Aunt (mother of bride who does not know about surgery) practically yelled, “OMG, SPEAKING OF WEIGHT… HAVE YOU SEEN THE PICS OF NIKKE? She looks SO good! She’s lost SO much weight.”

She was referring to pictures I had posted on Facebook of my husband and I. The maid of honor cousin said “What are you talking about” and I guess both aunts had said that I had lost a lot of weight and looked really good. So…. then the maid of honor cousin (who has a laundry list of issues) said:

“Oh…. so she finally got the Lap Band? What brought this on??”

While I’m not sitting here losing sleep over this comment…. I am trying to figure out why it annoys me so much. I guess I can’t quite put my finger on it? Maybe it’s because it feels like she is 1) assuming I would need WLS to lose any weight at all and 2) That her tone indicates she thinks it’s some kind of easy way out gimmick? I mean…. I did in fact have weight loss surgery… so why am I irritated and offended that she would say that?

I don’t really know why. While I do plan to “ignore her” because no, I do not care what she thinks of me… I have put a lot of work into understanding the root of my emotions since starting therapy during the supervised diet. My husband felt the same way about the comment… he immediately said “Wow, that was F*$&ing rude!”… but he couldn’t really explain why it was rude either lol

And yes, I guarantee you it was rude… you just have to know the girl lol! Maybe somebody else can articulate why I find this comment so irritating? I can’t put my finger on it!

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10 thoughts on “Why does this comment irritate me!?

  1. This won’t be the last of comments about your weight loss that you aren’t sure how to take. my MIL recently said to my daughter “Has your mom been losing weight? That’s shocking”. Really, it’s shocking I would lose weight. Her comment could have been perfectly harmless and just her surprise at hearing new info. or, it could have been a catty dig. Having it relayed to you third person always taints the message. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t give it another thought. You will have enough comments said to you that you have to figure out how to handle, don’t stress about the ones you aren’t there for. AND, you do look great!!

    • For this particular family member, there is no giving her the benefit of the doubt. I know that all of her comments are malicious. HOWEVER, there are plenty of people that do deserve the benefit of the doubt, so I try to keep that in mind. Sorry to hear about your MIL’s comments. I would be upset if I received a “That’s shocking!” comment as well :/
      Thank you for the kind words! 🙂

  2. I have catty people in my life that says rude, nasty comments too. It’s usually because of jealousy. Instead of getting upset at her, I just smile.

    • I’m wondering what the comments will be like in April when I attend her sister’s wedding and am hopefully close to goal…. I have a feeling she isn’t going to appreciate the attention I may get from others. Ugh!!

  3. I completely understand. I get annoyed at how readily people accept that I’ve had surgery. Like they’re thinking, “Oh yeah, You’re totally too fat to lose on your own. It only makes sense.”
    Right now, my strategy is ignore it, but I’m kind of dreading when the kids (students) get in and start noticing. Who knows what kinds of comments 7th graders will make!

    • That’s exactly how I felt. I lost 107 lbs in the six months leading up to surgery… and I feel like if everyone in my life knew about the surgery, they would just assume that I’ve done nothing and the weight just melted off. People can be so rude and ignorant!! hang in there!!

  4. Oh Buddy! When I brought on the subject of WLS, my own sister said, “You’re taking the easy way out!” My sister who is a size 4, very athletic, and is very popular said I (overweight, size 30, who can’t walk on a flat stable surface) was taking the easy way out. I’ve told a few people that I want to have VSG, but I’m learning how they’re going to react to my weight loss now.

    • Oh yes, and I’m not mentally capable (she doesn’t even know the REAL person inside of this body) and that it was “too drastic” that I needed to eat less and lose the weight by myself. I’ve been on a diet since I was 4…it’s not working by myself… Sorry for the rant!

  5. People are going to keep looking at this as “the easy way out”. They just don’t understand. They don’t understand that we are standing on the tracks wondering, “Will I regret having this surgery for the rest of my life or will I regret NOT having it and later being unable to do so, because of heart disease or cancer.” They can’t get it because they haven’t been there and are not aware of how bad it is for us.

    My sister is so damn thin. She’s also an OB/GYN surgeon. When I told her I was doing this, I thought she would be against it. Instead, she surprised me by saying that she thinks it is a good idea and it sounds like I have done my research. She’s got it. Some people will get it, others won’t.

    Our choice is this: Do I choose to educate them and risk making the whole incident worse for myself? If I have to live with them, then yes, I will try. If they are “surface” people, I will just try to let it go and not let them get their cleats into my heart.

  6. It bothered you because she dismissed all the hard work you’ve been doing to get healthy. Sadly, it speaks to how much pain SHE’S in. The last thing a bride wants is to know that she’s fat, and to be compared to someone (you) who has obviously been successful at losing weight. Having said that: f**k her and the horse she rode in on😡😋

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