Where Did This Confidence Come From?

What a week it has been! I haven’t been on the blog or message boards much this week because it’s been one of the busiest weeks of the year at work and I’ve had company staying with me. I’m so glad that tomorrow is Friday… I can’t WAIT for the weekend. All week long I’ve been wanting to post about a few different topics, but just didn’t get around to it. So, I guess I’ll ramble during this post! 🙂

First, I was really feeling good at the beginning of the week because of the wedding over the weekend. Not only did it feel good to look better, but I also enjoyed the little things, like being able to sit in a metal folding chair without the fear of it collapsing (although some fear was still there) for example. I also enjoyed not fearing my picture being taken during the event. In fact, I posted pictures of me in the dress with family on Facebook and got a very positive reaction from people… it was definitely nice!

On Tuesday, I had a couple of appointments. First, I met with my PCP for a six month check-up that was pretty standard. I went in, the nurse weighed me, took me to the room, and then started to put my weight and BP information into the computer. Then, she grew silent…. eventually she said, “Somebody put your weight in here wrong last time (February).” So, I looked her in the eye with a smile and a bit of laughter and said “Oh no they didn’t! There’s no mistake, that’s accurate… don’t you change that!!” lol She said that when I was there in February I was in the 380’s and when she put my information in on Tuesday, it was in the 290s! She was floored! I told her I was working hard, lost lots of weight, and then has weight loss surgery.

So, then my PCP walked-in. She said that I didn’t even look like the same person. She was very happy with my progress but continued to lecture me about how I could easily gain the weight back because you have to “stay on top of it” after surgery. She said that I was doing great, she was very pleased and then BOOM, in her no-nonsense Russian accent said “You have a long way to go, very much to lose yet” LOL I thought DAMN, you can’t let me savor that compliment for a minute before reminding me that I’m still 120-130 lbs overweight? lol

Next, I went across town to the weight management clinic (WMC) where I had a checkup with the PA and NUT since I’m a little over two months out from surgery. Again, they said I was doing amazing… they were pleased with my progress! The NUT released me onto a full diet, so I have no restrictions – yay! I have to admit, they have a pretty liberal plan at the WMC; however, i have chosen to stick to a 600-800 calorie 20-30g of carb diet. It’s been working well so far… if it doesn’t in the future, I’ll re-evaluate.

One thing that struck me as odd was my NUT’s surprise when she asked if I had any trouble tolerating any kind of meat or anything like that…. I told her no and she said, “So you haven’t vomited?” to which I said no and she had a surprised look on her face. WTF? Was I supposed to vomit?? LOL I guess they were surprised that recovery has been a breeze for me or something… I don’t know!

So with the weekend and the doctor’s appointments, I started to get kind of on a high regarding my weight and progress. I started to feel REALLY confident. I think part of that confidence came from wearing nice clothes that fit properly, wearing makeup, and doing my hair. I even got an eyebrow wax. It’s all of these little things that add up and just make me feel so much better about myself. It’s definitely a nice feeling. That leads me to yesterday!

Yesterday, there was a big work event that I’m in charge of and so I decided to wear the  dress again. I made sure that I did my hair and put on makeup. The confidence was at an all-time high when I walked in to setup for the event wearing a dress and makeup to work (for the first time) along with a pair of heels! People complimented me and participants that hadn’t seen me in awhile really had a shocked look! I found myself smiling A LOT throughout the day, looking people directly in the eye more often and when I had to play hostess duties in the auditorium full of people, I had no lingering thoughts of how bad I looked or whether or not people were thinking about how big I was. Now, I do realize that I still weigh 289 lbs and I have a long way to go… but it’s really interesting that just a few weeks ago I was feeling depressed by a few pictures of me because I thought “Wow, I have a long way to go” and yet here I am today bursting with confidence. Again, I”m not 100% sure why or where it is coming from; however, I hope it lasts!

Today, I attended an event in that same auditorium and was able to actually fit into the seats. Not only could I fit into the seat and feel more comfortable, but I was able to use the pull out desktop that is a standard issue in college classrooms. WOW… that was really amazing/exciting. I couldn’t do that in my senior year of college in in 2007.

What a week it has been! Here’s to hoping that the confidence continues and I don’t slide back into the frustrated/discouraged stage from a couple of weeks ago!!

NikkeFullDressAgain

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3 thoughts on “Where Did This Confidence Come From?

  1. You are looking SO good! And you have a lovely smile…keep smiling!

    Also I think it’s funny that your doctor’s nurse thought your weight was wrong last time…I can’t wait until my next PCP appointment to show her how much I will have lost by then. 🙂

    Keep up the awesome work…you are truly inspiring!

  2. New fan here! Keep up the great work! I absolutely LOVE the dress you’re wearing. Maybe I’ll get back to wearing dresses one day too. You look fantastic!

  3. Congrats! You are so pretty!! Don’t let the Russian PCP get you down. You have accomplished a lot in a short amount of time, and you’ll continue to do so! She probably was just doing her “duty” as a doctor to remind you. As if you could forget how hard you are working. Great job!!!

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