I had another appointment with my therapist today. Therapy is NOT something that is required by my insurance company or by my weight management doctor in order to be approved for weight loss surgery (the vertical sleeve gastrectomy); however, I felt as though I was taking great strides towards making myself physically healthy and I think that mental health is just as important. I started to see the therapist in order to work through things that have been plaguing me for years – some of which trigger me towards eating.
Something she said to me today really resonated with me. She said, “People are motivated to change a behavior for themselves and not for other people. While other people can offer support and express the desire for the another person to change their behavior (and that might push them in the right direction), it’s not really going to happen until a person has that “click moment” and decides “This is it, I’m going to do it!”
Even though we were talking about this concept in the context of some of my husband’s behaviors (and why my happiness isn’t motivation enough for him to change some of his behaviors lol), I told her that it made sense to me in terms of my weight loss. I tried to explain to her that my most recent attempt to lose weight has been the most successful and that “This time feels different.” I couldn’t really explain to her why it felt different, but she seemed to really understand. Although no family members or friends had ever approached me about my weight… if I’m going to be honest with myself, I don’t think there was ANYTHING in this world they could have said that would have gotten me to change. I don’t even think the threat of my husband leaving me (not that he would have EVER done that) would have gotten me to change.
It’s sad to say it, but I honestly think it is true. I don’t think that until November that I really ever had my click moment. I always let the fact that I had so much to lose make me not even get started. I had always let one bad meal or day ruin the entire attempt to lose weight. In the meantime, I gained and gained and gained. Finally, I just said to myself that I was done living like this. I walked out of my first consult with the weight management doctor in November, not knowing whether or not I would decide on surgery, but did exactly what I was told. I had been thinking more and more seriously about my health for six months up until that point and decided that this time was do or die – quite literally.
I’m not going to kid myself and think that the weight I have lost is forever (a sure thing) or that this process will be easy or that it will ever be over. But, I will say (at least for now), this journey so far has felt different. I can’t describe it – it just does. I have been more successful this time than ever before and it just feels different. I really hope that I can stay on this path. Finally having support in places like my blog and the ObesityHelp.com message boards has been a big factor. I can’t say thank you enough!