A Long (and Hard) Fall Off the Wagon

Ugh….. I just cringe at the title of this post because it’s depressing to me. Since November 20th, I have been 100% on plan for eating and yesterday I had a long and hard fall off the wagon. I guess it could have been worse, but it certainly should have been much better and I’m still trying to wrap my head around why I let it happen. Here’s the backstory….

In a post a week or so ago, I mentioned that I was starting to feel very frustrated in my six month supervised diet for weight loss surgery (VSG). I felt a little better a few days ago when the scale FINALLY went down to my second goal of 360 after toying with the same 2-3 pounds for awhile. It was a good moment because I was excited to finally have some movement on the scale even though I was still doing everything the way that I was supposed to be doing it!

So, cut to the other day when I had my latest check-in with the doctor for my supervised diet. Technically, the April 3rd visit to the weight management clinic was my 6th weigh-in and last REQUIRED weigh in for the diet – woohoo! The doctor was impressed with my loss and said that after I get the “green light” from my psych evaluation on Tuesday, I am DONE! She would get my information together and write the letter to insurance. While I’m waiting for that approval, I meet with the surgeon (probably late this month), and at that point they give me a tentative surgery date.

I guess I’m feeling restless. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t give work a set date that I’ll be out for surgery. It’s stressing me out. I have a lot of work to do at my full time job and two freelance projects that have to be done in the coming weeks. I just want this whole thing to be over with – I want to move on with my life! To make things worse… I had gained 2-3 pounds from my 360 goal for no reason. Well…. to be honest, I think the reason is that since starting to take vitamins with iron in them, I’m having a lot of trouble in the bathroom area! No matter what I take, I can seem to get things moving and it’s frustrating me.

After my last visit with the doctor, we called me about 15 minutes later and said that she wanted me to continue doing what I was doing, but to only lose about 10 more pounds which would put my BMI at 50. Although I have called the insurance company and verified on our policy that VSG surgery requires a BMI of 40, she keeps insisting that she doesn’t want me to go below 50. How the hell am I supposed to keep eating the same and exercising, yet not lose more than 10 more pounds purposely?  My husband thinks that I should just do what she says just in case. He said (in a frustrated tone), “You have worked so hard and who cares if you’re right? Why don’t you do what she says just in case so that I don’t have to say I told you so if you get denied and you’ll be heartbroken!”

So, I’ve been thinking about that a lot and STILL upset that I can’t get ANYTHING happening in the number 2 department (sorry, just being honest)  no matter what I take. Well, I had the bright idea yesterday to stop by the convenience store and get a big bottle of chocolate milk (don’t think I could’ve drank regular) because I’m lactose intolerant and desperate and I thought – HA, this will work!! Ok, ok, ok….. what a SUPER STUPID idea… I get it… I drank almost half the calories I have in a day, way more fat,  way more carbs, and almost 4 times the sugar – gross!! Then, I came home and ate a bunch of buffalo chicken bites with ranch dressing. I was sick the entire night!!

This is bad behavior…. I think I’m getting stressed, impatient, and restless and this is how it is manifesting itself! I’m back on track today, but of course still can’t go to the bathroom…. ugh! The scale said 365 this morning and I KNOW that I haven’t gained 5 lbs in the past few days from eating poorly last night.  Something’s got to give and I’ve got to get myself together!!!! I didn’t want to write this post and admit the failure; however, I thought it was important to write about the bad as well as the good… so here I am admitting my embarrassment to all of you! Thanks for listening!


5 thoughts on “A Long (and Hard) Fall Off the Wagon

  1. Hey girl…I am so sorry of your frustration. I can maybe help with the number 2 part. I have been the same way for the past few days and could’t go. My nurse here at school (I work for an isd) told me to mix prune juice and apple juice (some say drink warm I had ice in mine) and BAM that got things moving…it’s worth a try. I have also drank a tea called Dieters tea by Lisa Labough and one called smooth move. Those should help. Will be keeping you in my prayers.

  2. Hello, beautiful! I’m a member of OH, and I see your posts pop up over there from time to time. I’ve made it a point to keep an eye on your progress, though we’ve never really talked before. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that you’re an absolute ROCK STAR. The commitment you’ve shown during your pre-op diet is absolutely incredible, and you deserve to hear that every once in a while! Sometimes I see people posting on OH about their food funerals and how they’ve managed to cheat their diet and how hard it is to stay on track and I have to wonder how they’re going to make it down this long road.

    Then there’s you, who has managed to lose over 80 pounds during your pre-op diet and I’m completely amazed! I look at you and think “This one’s gonna make it. She’s going to get to whatever goal she sets for herself and she’s going to live there.” You’re one of the happily ever afters, I’m sure of it.

    You’re someone who committed to the mind change long before going through the physical change of having surgery. The physical part? That’s easy. There’s nothing to it at all, but unfortunately so many people try to lean completely on their new stomachs and forget to work on their heads. If you want to change your life, you first have to change your mind. I think you’re way ahead of the game.

    I know you’re frustrated with the scale and with yourself for the slip in eating. The fact that you slipped isn’t something you should beat yourself up over. You’ve been doing this for so long, and as much as we like to think we’re never going to make a mistake– we’re only human. Sometimes we trip up. What matters now is what you do about it, and I have a good feeling that you’re the type to pull yourself up by the boot straps and charge on. I think you’re going to be just fine. In fact, I think you’re going to be better than fine. You’re going to be phenomenal.

    As far as the other two issues mentioned in your post… I take Align (actually, the Walmart knock off version of Align, but it’s the same thing) daily, and every couple of days I supplement with Miralax to help keep things moving. I’m post op, so I don’t usually go for the full dose, half a cap-full seems to work for me now. Since you’ve been backed up you might need to take a full dose a few days in a row to get everything moving. (And this might even spur your weight loss on, you never know how much weight is just because of what’s backed up in there, heh.)

    About not going below a 50 BMI… I would call the doctor and ask what the reasoning is! I know I’d be frustrated if someone told me that. I wanted to get as much weight off pre-op as I could because I knew that would just make things even easier for me post-op. It MIGHT be because she’s afraid the insurance company is going to look at you and say “Well, she’s already lost 100 lbs pre-op, clearly she doesn’t need the surgery.” I’ve heard of companies doing that before, which is a complete load of crap. If that’s the case I would just try to tread very carefully until you get your approval. Once you get that it shouldn’t matter how much more you lose before surgery.

    Anyway. Sorry I rambled on for a million years here! I got a little carried away… I hope everything works out for you soon, and always remember to tell yourself how great you’re doing. We are all our own worst critics! Wishing you the very best!

  3. I find high-fibre foods (porridge/oatmeal with added wheat bran, brown rice, green vegetables) and a good strong cup of coffee tend to get things moving, but prune juice is reliable. Friends swear by bananas and Albran (not sure if you have it in the States), but I can’t bring myself to eat either!

  4. Breathe.
    The 5 pound gain is likely water weight from having eaten the chicken bites. Drink lots and lots of water and refocus. You will get to your goal, I know it. You’ve done such a great job so far; don’t let one day completely derail you.

  5. You have done amazing so far! Don’t let the weight get to you. It’s just either being backed up, or that your body is doing some self-adjusting. Up the water intake. One definite thing I’ve found that works is to drink a full 2 glasses (16 oz) of water first thing in the morning, before drinking with anything else (breakfast, pills, etc.). I’m not sure if you’re aware of the big water trick or not, but basically take your weight, divide that number in half & the number you end up with is how much water you should drink in a day, in ounces. (300lb/2 = 150 oz.) Another thing…the 50 BMI has nothing to do with your couple of pounds. Or even with them trying to say that you lost too much & “don’t need surgery”. Research has shown that people with a BMI of 50+ tend to have more trouble with anesthesia. Your doctor is probably just trying to be proactive regarding the insurance company. Trust me, the ins. co is aware of this issue & they WILL use it against you. They will use ANY issue possible to deny you. I had a denial & 2 appeals before I got through. Stalls happen to the best of us, and doll, you’ve already done a ton of work! Flush out your system with water & just stay on the straight & narrow. You’ll be so glad (post-op) that you did. 🙂 You’re so close!

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