OK… I’m just going to say it right now – NO, I’m not crazy! While I haven’t been officially tested, I seem to function well so don’t go crazy with wanting to lock me up after you read this post!
Last night, I had (what I would classify) a nightmare. Now, this is nothing new… I’ve nightmares since I was a kid and I’m talking about REALLY disturbing, violent, highly-dramatic nightmares. However, last night’s nightmare was just wacky! I had this dream that I was at some family member’s house with my husband and someone brought homemade macaroni and cheese. So, I decided to have a little bit…. which then turned in to me literally shoving macaroni and cheese in my mouth and I couldn’t stop. I even remember thinking (in the dream) that I wanted to stop but physically couldn’t stop myself.
Then, I finally stopped… felt horrible, but then I couldn’t stop my body from getting up, walking over to the table and eating a bunch of sausages. WTF, right? I know… it’s weird and it’s crazy and while I can’t really explain it I have a feeling that I’m having these dreams because I’m worried that if I “fall off the wagon” with my pre-op diet and have just one little bite of something that I’m not supposed to have, I’ll end up completely fall off the wagon. I know, for me, that eating a little bit of sweets just makes me want more sweets. I guess I’m feeling some anxiety about possibly falling off the wagon.
I don’t know that I would be too worried about something like this if it were for the fact that the scale hasn’t moved a lot lately. It seemed like every time I got into a new set of numbers like the 390s, 380s, 370s, etc. I would stall and not lose for about 4 days… then, POOF the scale would start to move again. Well, I thought it made it through the 370’s stall and I was down to 376… then I went up to 377 the next day… then 378 yesterday. Now, finally I’m back down to 377 this morning… but it’s been a little aggravating. I have actually been walking MORE in the past week and still eating perfectly… so I know rationally that this too shall pass, but sometimes it’s hard to stay rational.
Ok, crazy time is over… hopefully the killer mac n’ cheese doesn’t come back to haunt me again tonight. I have my next monthly appointment in the supervised diet on Monday, so I’ll check it and let everyone know how it goes!