I haven’t blogged in a few days. Things at work have been VERY busy! I also do a lot of freelance work and that has been taking me away from the message boards as well as my blog. I’m actually a couple of hours away from leaving town again for work, so I thought I would write about my need for therapy – who doesn’t love that?!
I’ve wanted to make an appointment with a therapist for many years. While some of the issues that I faced in past years aren’t as much of an issue anymore, I still clearly have food issues to deal with on a daily basis. I did not reach my 444.3 lb highest weight because I was that hungry all the time, right? On February 19th, I have my first appointment with a therapist that deals specifically with food related issues, but I don’t know that she deals with patients specifically regarding weight loss surgery like the VSG.
Originally, I wanted to speak with her so that I could talk about what happens with me mentally when I decide to eat poorly. Why do I eat for comfort? How can I cope with these behaviors? BUT, after reading a lot of posts on the ObesityHelp.com messages boards, I realized that many people experience changes in their relationships after a large weight loss. I have been with my husband for eight years and married for 1 1/2, and I began to worry that we may experience problems after I lose weight. My husband is a homebody for the most part, but does like to partake in some activities. There are a lot of things that we don’t do, because I cannot physically do them (e.g. go to amusement parks, baseball games, football games, lots of walking during sightseeing, etc.) Right now, I say I don’t want to go to these events or places, but that’s because I CAN’T and not because I don’t WANT to. I started thinking… is he going to think that I’ve changed because I want to get out there and do more?
Then, I started to wonder if he was going to start to feel threatened. Right now, I tell my husband about interactions I may have with co-workers, friends, etc. that are men and the kind of joking around that we do. I have a sarcastic sense of humor and I like to joke around a lot. I started to think to myself…. if I were thinner, would my husband now perceive these behaviors as “flirting?” While I might be exhibiting the same behaviors, right now it’s non-threatening due to my weight…. are his perceptions going to change?
These of course are things I’ve talked with him about and he just thinks I’m silly. Just like he thinks my opinion on why we are asked if we want separate checks when we eat out (see previous post – BTW, I’ve brought this topic up with a couple of local friends that are married and they were SHOCKED that we would ever be asked that question — but they are thin and attractive!! LOL) is silly. He’s a great guy and he loves me… so he thinks how could me losing weight be a bad thing? Ugh!
Finally, another thing I’d like to discuss with the therapist during our first appointment is a behavior I’ve noticed lately. I’ve noticed that during this six month supervised diet before my vertical sleeve gastrectomy weight loss surgery I’ve gotten a bit of a “high” when I step on the scale and I see the number decline. While I’ve been using this “high” as motivation and things have been going well… how am I going to prevent a “low” when I stall…. or when I’m 6 months into the process and getting tired of healthy eating…. or if I get to a point where I’m in “maintenance” and no longer need to be losing?? Maintenance… what’s that? It occurred to me the other day that I have NEVER in my life maintained my weight. I’ve always either been dieting or steadily gaining. I feel like I need to mentally prepare.
I’d love to hear from anyone that has been to see a therapist and has any advice or stories to share! Also, for anyone that is following along, the scale said 387.9 this morning… quite a bit down from the highest of 444.3 on November 20th. Woohoo!